I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
