all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
