he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
