OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
BRING THE BAGELS
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
