I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
