we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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