just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
