I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I fill condoms, not promises.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Terrible idea I love it
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
