My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I FOUND THE LEGS
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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