My friends, they love my intelligence
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
