Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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