I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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