Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i believe in u and ur pee
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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