like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
