just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
