You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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