ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
