tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
