D3 body, D1 cock
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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