Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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