I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Randomize
