she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
