I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
