Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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