So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
