He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
