I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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