piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
