4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
