you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
