Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
