I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Vodka?
Forever.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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