Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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