I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
