U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
