hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
