That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
