Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
