New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
