I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
His nipple licking is glorious
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