i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
