you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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