It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
