bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
