I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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