they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
