You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you didnt know i had herpes?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
