remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
