If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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