I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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